


Heart Beats Like Bullets

by Asorenii



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender, vld - Fandom
Genre: But it's not an AU, Crying, Insecure Lance, Keith is a gay mess, Lance is also a bi mess, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, feelings are hard, keith kogane - Freeform, klance, klance angst, klangst, lance mcclain - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 02:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15719643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asorenii/pseuds/Asorenii
Summary: Keith is scared of loving Lance. He's scared of how it entails feelings mixed with a warzone. Keith hates how Lance can see through his own mask of being happy.Lance is scared of loving Keith. He's scared that maybe these feelings aren't real- that they might just be there result of too much time without human contact. He's scared and covers it up with a bravado too fake for Keith to not see through.They need one another, and maybe more than they realized.





	Heart Beats Like Bullets

Keith both enjoyed and hated sharing a wall of his bedroom with Lance. He enjoyed it on nights where he needed somebody to talk to- to spill whatever emotions or feelings that he’d harbored all day before it just got too hard to keep locked up. He hated it on days where Lance didn’t go to him and he could still hear him sobbing in his room. He hated the days where he’d wake up after a night of hearing Lance verbally berate himself only to see him laughing happily with a smile so wide you could practically see the mask underneath ripping apart. He hated those days. But, he had them too. And he hated the fact that Lance noticed them. 

Days where Lance would give him a few more smiles than normal, offer more physical contact that he was used to- hugging him or ruffling his hair after a successful day of training- Lance would prod at things he knew Keith would laugh about, and get him more involved with the team. But Lance also sacrificed himself for making Keith happy on those days. He’d offer himself up as the punchline of a joke, only noticing after Keith bellowed out with laughter than he’d place a hesitant hand on his thigh, squeezing it gently. Those mouthed out ‘you’re not’s as Lance called himself an idiot or useless as a tease. He hated how his heart thrummed against his chest on those days, or how whenever Keith smiled it would rip itself in half at how perfect he was, and how sad Lance was for not being able to talk to him about it as freely as Keith did. 

The night fell quickly again on another day- a day where Lance had constantly berated himself over the coms during a mission- for each shot Red fell short on, he’d offer up a ‘Well looks like I’m not a sharpshooter anymore!’ Or on times where he sped fast a fighter too quickly, leaving Red to take the brunt of an explosion- ‘Looks like I was supposed to get hurt!’. Keith swallowed thick as his knuckled hovered over Lance’s door, his throat still constricting against him. He needed to talk this over with Lance. He wouldn’t stand for him to keep doing this for Keith. He wrapped on the door quickly, listening to a few sniffles come from the other side as if Lance was expecting him to come running back to him with his tail between his legs. Useless.

“Hey, Keith a- Keith..?” Lance asked softly, watching Keith’s shoulders shake slightly. “Buddy, come on in-“ He offered, a hand resting on Keith’s shoulder. “N-No- Why do you do it, Lance?” He asked, looking up at Lance. Lance’s brows furrowed, his hair falling slightly as he tilted it forward, looking at Keith intently. “Do what..?” Keith scoffed. “Don’t say it like you aren’t aware of exactly what you’re doing. You keep beating yourself down. All day, every day. Oh look how useless I am, look at how I fuck up everything- laugh at my insecurities that I can’t even tell Keith about! Look at me! I cry in my room at night and don’t let anybody come and help me!” He said thickly, shaking as he swallowed. Lance’s face was blank as he processed exactly what Keith said. 

Lance’s whisper was almost too quiet for Keith to hear as he huffed, breathing hard. “..because it’s just all the facts..” Keith shook his head, gripping Lance’s arm as he shoved him inside his room, closing the door. “Say that again, I dare you, McClain. Tell me to my face that you think you’re useless one more time.” Keith warned his face blotchy red from emotions, tears, or just trying to fight back the urge to kiss the boy in front of him and promise him he’s nothing of what he says he was. But he couldn’t. Lance wouldn’t take to that well. His friend-enemy? Whatever Keith was to him, it wasn’t love-interested. He already knew that as his heart sank when he heard Lance start talking again. “Because it’s all true, Keith! Don’t you see how I’m a liability to the team? How I don’t fit into any good category?!” Lance asked, tears stinging his cheeks as they dripping down onto his shirt. “I’m not useful! I don’t bring anything except comedy to the team. I’m the joke- I’m the one you guys can expend for a few laughs. I know my place, and I don’t know why you’re trying to make it different.” 

Keith was shellshocked, to say the least. He wanted to make Lance better. His body moved on its own, closer and closer to Lance until he could smell the faint scent of apricot and vanilla- the salt of an ocean and the musky sandalwood scent of his clothes. Anxiety bubbled up in his chest as he could feel himself move too close- too close for him to not do something stupid. “Lance-“ “Save it. Y-You’re- It won’t help. I don’t need the pi-Mgffh-“ Lance was cut off by Keith forcefully kissing him, an effective silencer as Lance let himself relax, his arms dropping from fists to Keith’s waist, his eyes closing over more tears that slowly worked their way down his cheeks. Lance's lips were soft and warm- different than his anxiety-chapped and cold ones. 

Keith pulled back, his chest working up and down as he started to breathe quicker. “I-Fuck-“ He pushed himself away from Lance, stumbling back as he curled up on himself. “Fuck I’m sorry-“ He wheezed out, dropping to his knees as far away from Lance as he could. He kissed him- Kissed Lance while he was upset and trying to tell him off- He clearly didn’t want Keith there oh god he fucked everything up- “Keith- Keith breathe,” He heard Lance say, suddenly too close again. He could feel the warmth of Lance’s body next to his, his bright blue eyes creased with worry. “I-I-“ “Shh, breathe for me... In and out... Slowly..” He said, grounding Keith with eye contact until he deemed Keith relaxed enough to touch once more. “You don’t have to tell me anything… I- I know,” Keith said softly, wiping at his eyes. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” Lance said softly, looking back at Keith. “Your heart? The way it ricochets around in your chest? How you feel like you can’t breathe? Whenever-“ “You’re next to me. It feels like there are a million wars going on in my heart- tearing it apart with your smiles, a laugh-“ Lance nodded, taking in a shaky breath. “So you feel the same?” 

Keith threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t know! It’s- We’re in a war- out in space- Do we even have time for feelings like this? Could we even make it work? How do we know it’s not because we’re touch-starved and emotionally stunted from a year of no contact with other people?” Lance paused, listening to Keith’s words. “Maybe because feelings like this- the, the- raw feelings I have for you at least- they’re not new..” 

Keith hiccuped and instinctively leaned into Lance, the other pulling him in close. “I want it so bad, Lance- I want to say that my feelings aren’t new but I don’t know when they even popped up! I don’t know if it was your stupid jokes back home, or the warm smiles you’ve given me over the past year and a half, or your stupid jokes with good intentions- But I know that’s it there. It’s not because I’m lonely but because you’re you-“ He said, a hand cupping Lance’s cheek. “Because you’re smart and loyal- you know exactly how to make the battles last as short as they can, and how to effectively stop wars. You’re diplomatic by being relatable and not stuck-up. You’re selfless and care too much for other people and, god, if I could just have that as a normal occurrence then I could die happy in a war knowing that love isn’t something that I’ll never get to experience because this is so real it hurts-“ 

Lance used the same method Keith had used on him- kissing him into silence, letting his lips linger on Keith’s for a moment longer after pulling back, his eyes still locked on the soft pale pink lips brushing against his. “Then it can be..” He murmured, a hand brushing over Keith’s- caressing his knuckles. “It can be real.. I-My feelings for you are just that- feelings. Emotions that I have with you are happier than I could ever ask for. You make me a better person, and you’re just so perfect.” Lance said, laughing sadly. “And I don’t know why I’m scared of it. Scared of being able to call you mine because… I’m guessing that you’ll eventually realize it was a whim. And that you’d never work out with somebody like me.” 

“I would,” Keith said firmly, locking eyes with Lance. “I would work out with you until the universe ends because I need you, Lance. I need your smiles and laughs to get through the day. I need your backup when we go on missions. I need your touches and embraces on nights where I doubt if it’s even worth fighting another day-“ He said, cupping Lance’s face. “I love you, Lance McClain. So much that I’m scared of losing you.” 

Lance felt his eyes moisten again as he let himself fall into Keith’s chest, his sweet almonry-sugar scent enveloping him, like a hug from Earth and from somebody he couldn’t see himself without. “I do too- I need you, Keith. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine. I need the banter and jokes, I need the constant reassurance and I need somebody who understands how painful it is to not know if you’ve got a tomorrow..” Keith looked down at Lance and smiled. “So we’re in this together then?” Lance nodded, his head resting in the crook of Keith’s neck. “Together.”


End file.
